Revival of the Bones and Bodies
by Tomolina
Summary: Harry finds a spell to revive people from the dead, in a mysterious book containing only three spells. -please ignore the messed up time series, it's meant to be funny, not necessarily accurate.-
1. Ancient spells for Dummies

Harry finds a mysterious spell, to revive people from death. but when the spell gets out of control...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Harry Potter series or anything else mentioned.

Sitting by a big black lake, were three students. Hermione was leaning against a tree, Ron and Harry sitting on the dewy grass.

"We really should get back to studying..." said Hermione. Ron and Harry winced at the word.

"But... but... awww..."

"Ron, you do want to pass these OWL's, don't you?" Hermione inquired.

"Of course, but... with as little effort as possible?" said Ron. Harry laughed.

"No matter how much effort i put in, Snape will never pass me.." he picked up a stone and skipped it across the lake.

"You do know, that if you make it per-"

'Perfect Hermione, is impossible, for anyone but you. Normal people can't achieve perfect." Harry looked gloomily into the back depths of the lake. "I hardly think Snape would believe it if I did hand in a perfect potion anyway." Harry sighed. For no particular reason, Professor Snape had seemingly hated him since his first year. "He would call me a cheater and send me out of the class, at least."

"I know!!!! Let's wag all of the exams, get expelled and be done with it!" said Ron, sarcastically.

"RON?! How could you even think that?" Hermione said, hitting Ron with her book. "That's just stupid!"

"Back to study then?" suggested Harry, wisely steering away from another possible fight.

Five minutes later Harry's emerald green eyes spied something. Something that would change his life for now.

"Huh? What's that?" said Harry curiously. "'Ancient spells for Dummies'. That will probably help me study!" he said, taking the mysterious book over to his friends. "Look what I found! This will help us study for charms, right?"

"Harry, that book looks _ancient!" _exclaimed Ron.

"It could be dangerous Harry. Be careful, and don't try any spells we don't know."

"Hermione, you sound like my mother..." warned Ron. Harry opened the book to the table of contents. It read:

The ancient spells:

How To Revive One From the Dead……………………………………………page01

How to make pigs Fly…………………………………………………………….page03

How to Destroy the world entirely……………………………………………….page07

Harry saw the first line, and almost cried, but instead, he screamed. Like a little girl.

"Harry! What are you screaming about??" asked Hermione.

Harry couldn't talk, so he screamed again. (A/N If you cant picture Harry screaming, I was picturing a little girl getting her first Barbie for Christmas. Lol.)

"Harry, look at the second one! I wonder if that would work on george…" said Ron.

"Look, both of you, don't get too excited. Imagine if You-Know-Who found this? He would love the last one!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Harry again.

"Oh, the first one." Noticed Hermione. "Harry I don-"

"MY PARENTS!!!!" He cried. There were tears this time.


	2. Reanimar

Hiya guys, Here is chapter 2! Btw, this is my first ever fanfic, so please review! Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** I dont own anything to do with Harry Potter.

**Chapter 2**

"I cant make my parents alive! And Dumbledore! And Sirius!" Harry was almost jumping around the old wooden library.

"But Harry, remember the Resurrection Stone! The people didnt come back to life, they were stuck in the middle! What if that happens to you parents?" Hermione had to be the joykiller.

"Hermione, if your parents were dead, you would want to speak to them again, wouldn't you?" said Ron, matter-of-factly. "Can we bring back Fred, too? George is driving me mad!"

"Ron! does your brain fail to work? _That book can end the world._" Snapped Hermione.

"Why would a book like this be in Hogwarts anyway?" asked Ron.

"You two don't understand! If you parents had been dead for most of you life, you would understand that I cant pass up this oppertunity." Harry remarked bluntly. "Ron's brother is driving him mad because his twin is dead. My parents and godfather died. Our headmaster died."

"But Vol-"

"Voldemort, Hermione, would love this book. That is why after I memorise this spell, I am going to destroy it." said Harry.

"Oh- oh! Harry! but I wanted to see pigs fly..." moaned Ron.

"Flying pigs, or Fred, Ron?"

"FRED!!" cried Ron.

"SHHHHHHH!!!" spat the grumpy librarian.

"So, what is this spell?" inquired Hermoine.

"So now you are interested?"

"Harry, I was just concerned, thats all."

Harry smiled. Hermione may have eyes for his rival, but she still cared. **(a/n Thats draco, not You-Know-Who.) **

"Hey guys, look... uh-oh..." Ron was looking at the index page. Small neat handwriting wrote:

_'Voldemort was here.'_

"Why would he do that?" asked Hermione.

"Hermione, he is the craziest man on the planet. What wouldn't he do?" said Harry "Just dont burn the book, yet..."

"Harry! Voldemort has access to the deadliest spell in the universe. How can you not want to burn this?!?!"

The three didnt quite know, that Voldemort only saw the first two spells, and was now attempting to make pigs fly.

Harry's green eyes set to work memorising the smudged handwriting. The book read:

_A spell to revive from death. Repeat the word then say the dead persons name aloud. _

_EG:_

_Reanimar John Pob_

Harry decided to first revive his parents

"_Reanimar Lily Potter_. _Reanimar James Potter_." He said. In an instant, blue and pink sparks flew from his wand, making small tornados, about the size of a grown man. The pinks sparks started to make a woman's form, and the blue a mans.

"Its working!" cried Ron excitedly. "Harry, look!"

"I am looking!!" cried Harry. The pink sparks were fading, and in place was a woman with shoulder length red hair, and emerald green eyes. She was wearing a faded blue sweater and blue jeans.

"MUMMY!! He cried, and ran into her arms.

"Harry, its been so long!" They were crying tears of joy.

"Fifteen years, mum." Harry and Lily broke apart, to see the blue sparks fading, and in their place, a tall man. He had jet black hair, circular glasses, and a grin from ear to ear.

"DAADDY!!!" cried Harry with delight. He felt like a little one year old again, embracing his father. Lily joined in the family hug. Ron started to cry.

"Ron?" said Hermione. "Its Fred's turn..."

So guys, how do you like my story? This one is my first ever fanfic story, so please review and tell me if you like it! I know this is a little muddled… se if you can figure out what! If you can, tell me! Those who get it right can have an input to what happens. I have no idea what is gonna go wrong… lol. Please suggest ideas!


	3. Voldemort Returns Only half sane

I know that this Fan fic is sooo messed up, but that's life, I don't really want to change it. If you have any ideas, please tell me! I need more ideas! D Thanks! This chapter is sooo mutated... but hey, life's like that.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing to do with Harry potter.

Voldemort Returns

"Finally! Fred!! George will be so happy when I bring home a long lost twin!" Ron was so happy, George was going to get his twin back, someone else for him to bug.

"Harry? Are you going to do it this time? I don't think I can pronounce that word..."

"Harry, help your friends now. But remember, this spell can be dangerous. Use that book very carefully." Lily was looking at Harry with stern eyes. "And don't let Voldemort get his hands on that book.

"Lily!" James was staring at the book, horrified. "Its to late! He could end the world at any second!!" Harry looked worriedly out the window while his renewed parents fretted.

"Uhh... guys..." Harry remarked as a small pink ball with white fluffy wings flew past the window. "Flying pig?" Then came the swarm. Thousands of flying pink piggies with white wings flew past the window.

"What the..?" Ron was staring out the window with astonishment. "Who did thi-" but before he could finish his sentence, a giant pig, bigger that the rest came flying past. Hanging down one side was a bony leg and a black robe, and on to was a bony man, with a snakelike face. He had a small bump of a nose, with two slits. His eyes were small slits too, but as wide as they would go.

"Go, my little piggies! Fly! Fly with the wind!!! Be FREEEE!!!" He cried.

"Voldemort... has... gone... bananas!!!!!" said Lily.

"What..." Harry was incredibly confused. His arch enemy had just flown past the window on a pig. "I am going to go have a bath…" he said. He walked out of the library, down the hall, to the bathroom. The bathroom made Harry think he had walked into the girls bathroom. The wall tiles were pink, the bath had pinks feathers draped around it. The towel rail had pink fluffy towels. But what most disturbed Harry was a skeletal figure in the bath full of pink bubbles. It had bony fingers, two slits as a nose, and another two as eyes. On his head was a pink showering cap, decorated with ducks.

"Dance in the water, my little Ducky! Oh how prett- Hello, Harry." Voldemort had noticed Harry after spinning a pink rubber duck around in the water. "This isn't what it looks like…"

"What the hell? First the flying pigs, then this? What the hell is wrong with you?" Harry was disgusted.

"Being mean is hard work sometimes, so this is how I relax. Is that so wrong?"

"Yes, actually it is." Said Harry, who then turned around and walked out the door, closed it and ran. He ran all the way back to the library, to see Fred standing there, conversing with Ron.

"Hermione said it. You said you were going to have a bath…?" said Ron, who noticed Harry stumble through the door, breathing heavily.

"Voldemort in – the – bathroom… disturbing." Harry stated between breaths.

"Let's go kill him!" Cried Fred excitedly. "Give him a taste of his own medicine!" Lily and James looked at each other.

"Revenge is never.. well… good, but in this case, He killed half of the people standing in this room. I'll be glad to make an exception. In His case." Said Lily.

"What bathroom was it Harry?" asked James.

A minute later, they arrived at a very pink bathroom. Pink bubbles were evident of a girly person bathing minutes before, and a pink rubber duck lay lifeless on the floor.

"I don't think that this is the right bathroom Harry…" said Ron. "Cos I can really see Him bathing here.

"He was! I saw him! And that's his duck! And there is his bathing cap!" Harry said angrily, pointing to the pink ducky cap hanging on the hook.

"Harry, dear, Voldemort is a mean nasty killer with no feelings for any living things. Why would he bathe in here?" said Lily. "I cant picture him in here, sweetie."

"Look Harry! Pink bubble footprints! Lets follow 'em!" Said Ron. They set off following the pink bubbles. They led them to a closet.

"Um… What?" said Ron

"SHHH!!" said Harry. He opened the door, and looked inside. There he was, wrapped up in a pink bath-towel. The closet was actually a shrine, for Hermione. Pictures of Hermione's every moment, was snapped and hung on a hook in this closet.

"I- ah- You were never meant to see this!!" Cried Voldemort. "Its not my fault!!" Voldemort ran out of the closet, holding up the bath towel, leaving the others standing there, dumbfounded.

"He—But—What The Hell just happened?" said Ron.

"Hermione…?" Said Fred. "He is like addicted to her… her… Hermione!"

"Bu- Wha- No- " Stammered Harry. Hermione remained speechless. She looked petrified. Her eyes were scanning all the pictures, staring at herself behind shiny frames.

"Well, I've got to admit, he sure know how to keep a shrine, its well kept!" James exclaimed.

"Dad!" Harry stared angrily at his dad. "She is my best friend; he is probably going to be a stalker!"

"Oh, sorry son."

"How did he get a picture of that?" Hermione spoke up. Her voice was back, and she was pointing at a picture of her in the girls bathroom, making a polyjuice (sorry if that is spelt wrong) potion.

"He already is a stalker!!" exclaimed Ron, who was studying the photos also.

"He is bonkers!!!" cried Lily.

Voldemort Returns

End of chapter 3

So, how do you like him now? Huh? Ok, I know, this chapter went overboard, but it is funny! I'm writing a song-fic about Voldemort and his rubber ducky and plying pig. Keepwatching my page, it's going to be funny. Cookies for reading!


	4. The End?

Here is the next revival chapter! I wasnt going to continue, but this seems to be my better story. Also, reviewers get menioned! These people reviewed:

Lorna Bruchetta, harryxpotterxforxever, kiwis-can-fly, Heart of the Phoenix, Silver and White Angels, katkiwi, sugarpaw and panther73110. Thanks guys

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"Ahh, my little piggies, I know. They would just never understand." Lord Voldemort was sitting on a stone step, outside the Malfoy residence, talking to three little pigs with wings. One of them hopped on his lap and snuggled into his mutated body. This made Voldemort smile. "You, I know, will always be faithful. Do you know what we are doing tonight?" he asked them. One of them moved its wings. "Yes, my dear, we are going to fly around the castle again." The last time, he had been spotted by Harry Potter. Now they plotted his death, and Voldemort couldn't let that happen to his little pigs. What would they do without a master?

"Ah- sir, dinner is ready. Sir." Mrs Malfoy appeared at the doorway. "Are you sure it's safe for you to be out here, with those kids and all, sir?"

"I have my wand at hand. Not to worry." Voldemort smiled an evil wicked smile. "Harry is trying to kill me, and so I must try and do the same to him. After all," he paused, "Neither can live, while the other survives." He quoted the prophesy.

"Alright sir. But your dinner is getting cold." she hastily walked back inside. Voldemort returned his attention to the piggies. The biggest, who he called Jester, nuzzled him.

"Yes, jester we shall go. But im hungry, so we shall eat first." Voldemort walked back inside, the well trained pigs following in single file.

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"But Harry, surely you don't plan out going out, without a plan, do you?"

"Do you think Voldemort plans?"

"Harry, don't be silly. Of course he does." Harry was talking with his mother about his 'plan'.

"Fine. I find out where he lives. I kill him. That 'planning' enough?" Harry was slightly irritated, that his mother wouldn't let him go out and kill Voldemort. Apparently, all good wizards plan. They were all sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, as the Potters had no home.

"Harry, Lily, News from Dumbledore!" James had gone and revived him too. "He said because we revived him, we can live here."

"Oh, sweetie, that's great news!" Lily ran to her husband and kissed him.

"Cool." said Harry, who then walked to the boys dormitory. He paused at the foot of the stairs. "Where?" he asked.

"Dumbledore is getting builder to make a house for us now, in the grounds!" said James. "It will be ready by tomorrow. You should go and pack." Harry walked up the stairs to pack.

"Are you sure that will be safe, honey? What if he returns?" Lily was worried.

"Don't worry. The ministry had no recollection of ur returning, so they can't actually arrest us."

"Yet…" Lily muttered.

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"I love flying!" Voldemort cried. He was on Jesters back, flying over the city, towards Hogwarts. The great castle was in sight, as pigs were very fast flyers. Faster than Voldemort, or a broom. "There he is, waiting in the common room. Stupid boy!" Voldemort cried, and flew around to try and catch his attention.

Harry's green eyes soon caught sight of the giant pink pig, and was following it. "Voldemort." He muttered, running down the stairs, to his parents. "He is back! He wants to die!"

"Or to kill, Harry." James said sullenly.

"Harry, we discovered something. We cant use magic." Lily looked at Harry seriously. "That spell made us muggles."

"Not exactly! Muggles don't believe in magic! But you know everything!"

"Yes, Harry, but-"

"Have you even tried to use a wand, cos I bet that if you did-"

"Harry! Dumbledore let us use his! Its far to draining, to even try an Expelliarmus!"

"Then I have to go and kill him, by myself!" Harry stormed out of the room, down the marble stairs and walked out the doors, outside of the school walls.

"HARRY!!" A snakey voice called his name.

"Come back for another bath, Mouldy Voldy?" Harry snarled back. He was clutching his wand so tightly, his knuckles were white. "Expelliarmus!" (A/N Sorry if I spelt that wrong, I have no book.) Harry cried, pointing his wand at Voldemort. Voldemort fell of the pig with a yell, righting himself in the air, and landed.

"Oh, how graceful, Voldy. I bet a ballerina pig couldn't do better." Harry snarled. "Not that any of your stupid fat lumps could be ballerinas." Harry didn't even know why he was saying this, and it was rather strange.

"Yea- Well—" Voldemort stumbled to find a retort. "You don't even know them!" Harry thought for a bit. It got stunned by a simple spell, so..

"Stupefy!" Harry shot a stunning spell.

"You missed, Harry."

"Not exactly, Mouldy." Voldemort turned around to see Jester, lying lifeless on the ground.

"Revive him! I know you know how!"

"Humph! No." said Harry. (A/N I don't know how to spell the killing curse. Don't correct me, but im just going to explain the fight now, no more talking.) Voldemort shot a stupefy at Harry, but his wand backfired. Harry watched, amazed. Then, Voldemort got up, and shot a killing curse at Harry. But his wand half backfired, shooting half at Harry, and half at himself. They both fell to the ground and lay there. (They can talk again now)

"Did you destroy the book, Harry?" Voldemort asked weakly.

"Yep. And the others don't remember the spell." Harry weakly replied. He laughed.

"What a pity. What a life I have wasted. I killed many people, heartlessly." Voldemort started to cry. "At least if I die now, I can join Jester…" His voice faded away, and then Harry knew he was gone.

"Goodbye, Mouldy. I guess the Prophesy was wrong. Neither of us lives…" These were the last words that came weakly out of Harry's mouth.

Will this be the end?

Okay! PLEASE TELL ME if you think I should finish the story here, or add another chapter. I like where it ends here, but another short chapter wouldn't really affect the sequel. If there was something in my writing you didn't like, tell me and I will make less of it in the sequel. Like you know how cartoons change animation for another season…? Anyway, lookout for the sequel and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!


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